Saturday, May 28, 2011

What has happened

May 28, 2011

When I look back over the last year I never in a million years thought it would be like it is now. We left Virginia a year ago to come back home. I do not know now if it was right or wrong but irregardless we are here now. Over the last year, we have had one child leave us out a window to be with his girlfriend. Over a few months I learned to accept that. They were home for Christmas and everything seemed to be normal. Little did I know that because I wanted to work that my world was about to change forever. Hubby had received a promotion at work shortly after moving and we were doing more things as a family. But our daughter was not happy just meeting people at school she had to meet a guy from a local town. OK I understand you want to fit in but she could not just wait until school started and meet someone there. Over the next few months I figured it would fade but somehow it just got stronger. Then the youngest one starts meeting people the same way. What is wrong with the world today that you can not talk to someone face to face but you can text. We had some rough goings but other than the normal everyday stuff our life seemed to be going pretty good. We bought a new car, taking the kids shopping at the outlet malls and doing extra things because we were now able to. Maybe it was too late, maybe they just didn't care. Who knows. Well, about 3 weeks ago we find out that the creep that my daughter was talking to had been sneaking into our house and having sex with our daughter. Really, how could she. She was only 3 weeks from graduation and the world exploded. We ended throwing her out and not looking back. Now we come to find out we are going to be grandparent. What the heck! I am so mind blown I can hardly stand myself. I can not comprehend what in the world has gone on over the last year. A daughter that I would have done anything in the world for has stabbed me in the back and walked all over me. Someone that I thought I could be proud of, has completely disgraced me. How can I go and watch her walk across the stage at graduation and be a proud mom like I was a year ago. How can I stand there a clap for her for this accomplishment and know that she has fucked up her life and turned our family's life upside down. I really don't know if I can do. I ask God for the ability to forgive her and help her through it but I think it is too late. I just can not get it. I am so hurt and disappointed that this may never go away. Now I have to think of a grand baby. What in the world is in for him. A father that is a deadbeat and will not get a job and a mother that has no comprehension on what the world will do to her. This sucks. Totally sucks. I want to go back to a time when we as a family stuck together no matter what we were going through. I wanted a better life for them and all I got was hurt. Whatever God cruel joke is I hope it is almost over because I am not laughing. Please God help me get through this because I can not do it by myself anymore. My husband is so disappointed that he wants nothing to do with any of it. I want to support her just for the baby but I do not think I can. Where do I go from here. I have a father with Alzheimer and is getting ready to evicted because he is a threat to himself and others. All he keeps saying is that he needs a car and a companion but I just don't see it happening. He does not realize what is going on from day to day not to even think about what he should do. I can only take so much before I hit the end of my rope. And to tell you the truth I am almost there. I have no one to support me in any of my decision making so here I am alone in my sorrow and hoping one day for it all to end. Do I support my daughter and move my father in with us? Or do I just turn a blind eye to everything and let the rest of world work it out? Do I go against my husband request and loose him or do I just leave my child to face the world of being possibly a single mother alone? I just can't make any decisions without loosing something. Please God help me. I can no longer face this alone.